2/28/2023 0 Comments Ilike big buts and i cannot lie![]() I am successful AND I have a good job with a company that I am talented AND singing makes me happy. I am adventurous AND I enjoy new experiences. ![]() I am healthy AND I feed myself good foods. I changed the “buts” to “ands” and removed the word that had been haunting me for so long: “not.” Since I was trying my best to leave untrue thoughts behind, I knew I needed to reframe again. Placing the word “but” in the middle of the sentence meant that anything that came before it was no longer true. Changing the way I finished these sentences lead me to finding that the parts I hated about myself for so long were the parts I loved most. Reframing thoughts in this way allowed me to see that the ideas I was carrying around with me for so long were not actually obstacles, they were just thoughts. I am not enough BUT I am worthy of loving myself. I am not wealthy enough BUT I have more then enough money to support my family. I am not successful enough BUT I have a good job with a company that values me. I am not talented enough BUT singing makes me happy. I am not adventurous enough BUT I enjoy new experiences. I am not smart enough BUT I am a fast learner. I am not thin enough BUT I feed my body healthy foods. In this case, when a negative thought would come to mind, I would add a “but” at the end and finish the thought on a positive note. I knew that I needed to start reframing my life and I began by reframing these negative thoughts using a “but,” a big round “but’” can have a profound impact on the way we view an idea if we place it in a useful position within a sentence. I read self help books galore, listened to podcasts and TedTalks, and almost every resource I found had the same message: the easiest way to get over an obstacle is to reframe it. I identified the areas that I felt needed to be changed, and the part that stood out the most were the negative thoughts and self doubt that I was holding on to. I allowed myself the time I needed to recover from the surgery and treatment I did have, and while I was going through the motions of recovery, I began to take a mental inventory of my life. Knowing that this surgery will be hard on my body, I recognized that I needed to make some lifestyle changes in order to be in the best possible shape - physically and mentally - for the day we decide to proceed with surgery. Ultimately, along with my medical team and family, I decided that I would not have the mass removed from my chest until it was necessary. ![]() In 2018 I learned that my cancer had relapsed yet again and that despite having surgical options, the risks of the surgery would outweigh the current benefits. My lack of confidence made it hard to wilfully practice self care and before I knew it, not only did I feel stuck, but I was feeling burnt out and exhausted, too. I struggled with this for several years, feeling torn between wanting a change and not having the confidence to make it happen. The more I doubted my ability to gain momentum in life, the more stuck I began to feel, and it seemed as if my existent would never reach that far beyond my illness. It was hard for me to see that I was holding myself back but in hindsight, I think it was easier for me to rely on these negative ideas when exploring the possibilities for my future than it was for me to challenge the thoughts I had been carrying around. I was consistently telling myself that I was not enough, and I honestly believed it. These phrases became obstacles and soon I found that these obstacles were in the way of being able to reach for the things I wanted to achieve out of life. The negative thoughts were starting to seep into areas of my life beyond my physical appearance and eventually, all the thoughts I was having about who I was started with the same three words: “I am not…” ![]() Now, not only was I struggling with my weight, but I had scars - both physically and mentally - and my illness was quickly becoming a part of my identity. When cancer came into my life, my body changed even more and the mistrust I had for my physical being grew bigger and bigger. Despite seeing people who looked like me living the life I wanted, I was still struggling to embrace who I was a person. And not only were they overweight, but they were happy. Both were weighing me down and both were diminishing my self worth.Īs I grew older, society’s influences began to change and suddenly I was seeing overweight women and men in the media. I carried these thoughts around with me like the few extra pounds I was struggling to lose. Growing up, I had many influences telling me I needed to lose weight to be healthy, or to be happy, to feel good, or to find a partner later in life, etc. For as long as I can remember, my sense of self worth was tied up with my body image. ![]()
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